one more month! and notes on learning a new language.

One month from today I will rise early to go to the airport, with my bags packed and my passport at the ready, enter the airport and go to the check-in counter to start my journey back to the USA. THis is utterly depressing, stressful and makes my stomach turn. My instincts tell me that leaving this country is WRONG! There is so much I am leaving behind, I feel sick.
I realize that maybe this sounds funny, as I left the USA and and so many more things and peaople behind 15 months ago. Wasn't that hard too? The answer is thta yes it was, but that I was looking forward to being here, and while I love my family and my home, I have made a home here.
People have asked me if it was hard to adjust to life here. I close my eyes for a moment and things come to me: the feeling of homesickness during THanksgiving, Christmas, the longing to go to Trout Lake, missing giving my Mom and Dad a hug, being greeted by people as I drive through the streets of Dayton. Yes, there are things I miss. Was it hard to adjust? No. But why is that? I have seen students come and retuyrn home after only 2 days, and people be miserable because they are homesick. IN my case I suspect the influence of my Mom's family, and especially my Avia, resulted in my open-mindedness and interest in travel and other cultures. Look at the examples: My Avis, who left Spain young and moved to Chile to begin a new life. My Avi, bringing his family to the USA from Chile. My Tieta Angelica, a world traveler, my Tieta Ana and cousin MOnica, who have explored the world and still have the travel bug. I have become adaptable, flexible, and am now accustomed to another kind of life, so much so that going back to the USA will be tough. I can't even speak in English for long periods of time with co-workers or Elliott...my brain starts to switch back to Spanish. I am at home here. This is where I belong, no doubt about it.

Let's go back a moment to the part about me speaking Spanish. I am by no means fluent...I learn new words and phrases all the time, and still find myself struggling sometimes with comprehension and expression when I am stressed. Some days I speak fluently, but make grammar mistakes. Some days I speak hardly at all, but every sentance comes out correct. There are still areas I need to work on : conditional and subjunctive, and if I wcould I would take private classes. Right now I am actually doing some worksheets on subjunctive, to try and get it down a little better. I never seem to grasp which tense to use, or how to conjugate. No, I am not fluent by any means.
How far a student gets in a language journey depends on the person. THere have been many times when students have asked me, "how much will I learn in one week? two weeks? a month?" and there is no exact answer. THere are many factors to consider, like the student's experience with other languages, previous areas of study (having studied French, Latin, other romance languages helps), how much they study (if the students goes home and looks at homework and does it well, and practices), how much you want to learn! Because if you are taking classes just to pass the time, fill the credits, or get out of your country then you shouldn't be in the classroom at all. How much you learn depends on your own motivation and dedication.
Which is why I feel like such a fish out of water studying subjunctive...I know that with the Spanish I have now, I can get along just fine. But if I want to IMPROVE, then I have to push myself. And that is what I am doing. I have to rededicate myself, my efforts. I love Spanish...I will never stop learning.
I have decided too that when I return to the USA my conversations with my Mom will be exclusively in Spanish...I couldn't bear to lose all the language experience and fluency I have gained. That is another area where I will have to work hard. To keep the Spanish I have now.

Life is journey in many things...you live, love, learn. And it's painfully beautiful at times.

Pura Vida.